Remembering Shelley Winters

I remember Shelley Winters from a Paramount in-studio preview of  1951’s “A Place in the Sun.” I sat behind her and then boyfriend, Farley Granger. All during the film, while Farl (he called her Shel) tried to hush her, Shelley made loud, lewd and hilarious remarks about co-stars Liz Taylor and Monty Clift. It was a hell of a lot more entertaining than the mewling movie. Shel: You lived a full life on your own terms. You were a wonderful actress and a great lady. If they rounded up the entire herd of today’s Hollywood bimbos, the bony bunch combined wouldn’t have one-tenth of your talent. You’ll be missed.

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There were three stabbings and a shooting recently at a party marking the release of a rap album by the late Notorious B.I.G. This didn’t happen when Paris Hilton and Kevin Federline released their new albums... although it should have.

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A guy who illegally brought 50,000 fake Viagra pills into the US from China may go to prison for 50 years. I know he should get some jail time, but don’t you think the sentence is a bit too stiff?

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The Canadiens hockey team had a fake player arrested after he showed up on the ice in uniform and started trying to shoot goals. They must have realized he wasn’t a pro player when they saw he still had all his front teeth.

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A woman fell in love with a dolphin.....no, no, not a Miami Dolphin...a real dolphin. So, she decked herself out in a white wedding gown and married him at his Israeli aquarium. It was a sober ceremony until those damn pickled herring crashed the party.

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Three Boston University researchers got sick from experimenting with a virus that causes rabbit fever. The guys seem to be OK now, but their boss complains about their many coffee breaks. They hop home ten times a day whenever they feel the need to breed.

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Ted Sherman is a retired corporate PR manager and executive speech writer. Today he's a humor and travel writer, and occasional contributor of jokes to a major TV comedy show. He's a graduate of the University of the Arts and the University of Penn Grad. School of Communications, and a US Navy veteran of WWII and the Korean War.