Take Two Aspirins And Switch Me On In The Morning

Did you see the news about a robot at the University of Chicago Medical Center doing a complex transplant surgery procedure all by itself? And to prove it is virtually the same as a human doctor, I’m sure the robot takes off every Wednesday afternoon to play golf.

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Manufacturers expect to sell nearly 800 million cell phones this year. And most will be owned by obnoxious jerks in airports who scream into them just two inches away from my ear.

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The latest scoop has the White House insisting it wasn’t the Vice President’s fault when he buckshot the lawyer and pierced his heart. What did the poor guy do...run around flapping his arms clucking like a quail?

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Speaking of lawyers, one just surrendered to police after 20 years as a secret bank robber. Gee, wasn’t just being a lawyer enough of a criminal career for that guy?

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Hanoi Jane Fonda is a super patriot compared to two unbelievably moronic, has-been American ham actors who star in a violently anti-US Turkish film, “Valley of the Wolves.” Since it opened last week in countries with large Islamic populations, it plays to cheering crowds. Billy Zane portrays an Army officer who enjoys killing innocent Iraqi women and children, while Gary Busey tops him as a cartoonishly-bigoted Jewish Army doctor who gleefully takes organs from the dead Iraqis and sells them to rich Americans, Britons and Israelis. Maybe Hollywood should start a new Academy Award category, the Benedict Arnold Statuette, in the form of figure of Judas Iscariot hanging from a tree, surrounded by 30 pieces of silver.

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Fired FEMA boss Michael Brown says that White House staffer claims that they didn’t know how much damage Hurricane Katrina caused was “baloney.” What a coincidence! That’s what they’re serving at the fast food joint where Brown now works.

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A gal who used to be a guy entered a beauty contest in Germany, and didn’t confess until he/she had won top prize. Maybe the judges should’ve had a clue when he/she left the toilet seat up in the ladies’ room.

Ledger Lite is a weekday feature that provides "A Daily Brew of Humor in the News."

Ted Sherman is a retired corporate PR manager and executive speech writer. Today he's a humor and travel writer, and occasional contributor of jokes to a major TV comedy show. He's a graduate of the University of the Arts and the University of Penn Grad. School of Communications, and a US Navy veteran of WWII and the Korean War.