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| From NationalLedger.com Ledger DC Journal
"Hillary continues to defend a system that does not work, that is broken, that is rigged, and is corrupt," Edwards said. “And if you think I’m going to let an emasculating woman become President of the United States, then you’re out of your mind." Critics say that he has changed his image from when he was a spineless candidate. Now, he has dragged out the bats, whips and chains, and is threatening to knee cap his opponents. “I’m going to give ‘em hell in Washington,” he said, quoting Harry Truman. “And if Rush Limbaugh calls me the “Breck Girl” again, I’m going down to the EIB southern command post and take him to the wood shed. The last thing I want is a conservative pig like him interjecting himself into my campaign! Where does he think he gets off?” In New Hampshire, he appeared angry, virulent and frothing at the mouth. He told the twelve or so people gathered to hear him speak that it wasn’t anger, but passion driving his campaign. Addressing his flock of followers, Edwards insisted that he would fight the oil industry, and their profiteering on home heating oil. “America's dependence on oil not only leaves families vulnerable to rising prices, but it compromises our national security and fattens the pocketbooks of greedy oil companies,” he screamed. “This obsessive need to provide energy and make a profit has got to stop now! Send me to Washington and I’ll make it all go away!” Edwards told the mob that six of the oil industry's biggest companies had raked in over $477 billion in profits over the past six years. He also said that Exxon Mobil set a new record by raking in $40 billion in profits last year. “No other corporation has ever made an annual profit of that size,” he yelled, “and it’s all Bush and Cheney’s fault!” “There are two America’s,” he fired. “And I want to take away Rush Limbaugh’s America. Put me in office, and I guarantee Rush Limbaugh and Hillary Clinton will never fill up their limousines again.” Edwards also noted that he would do everything within his power to take all of the profits from big oil, and every rich, homophobic, sexist conservative along the line. He also stated that he would cut government subsidies to oil companies. “The oil companies write off approximately $2 billion per year in costs associated with drilling. We’re going to take all of that away.” And in a final appeal to the undecided voters, he said that as a successful trial lawyer, he gave his clients hope and won case after case because he was right, and didn't give up. He says he'd bring those same traits to the White House. “As the President of the United States I will be in a position to appoint those judges willing to take from big oil, from people like Rush Limbaugh, and from the establishment people like Hillary Clinton. As your President, I will make this one America, an America reliant on government.” Edwards noted that he was here to fight anyone and anything that gets in his way. He indicated that his new campaign tone reflected how he would act as Commander-in-Chief. He assured the dozen or so gathered that Hillary Clinton, Rush Limbaugh and big oil were finished. --Satirical Analysis by Chris Davis © Copyright National Ledger, www.NationalLedger.com |
