Radio Shack Should Hire Donald Trump To Do The Nasty For Them

Bosses at Radio Shack cruelly canned 400 employees by email. They were obviously too chicken-livered to do it face to face. Unfortunately for the bosses, they chose to send the emails on the regular crappy, disfunctional Radio Shack computers, so the “you’re fired” messages actually read, %6*& - dKrj&#".

***********

There’s still a big letdown among the obsessed newshounds who covered every moment of the silly story since confessed imaginary murderer John Mark Karr was nabbed in Thailand. And, oh my, then he was found not guilty of the murder of the little girl. Sadly, lost in all the media feeding frenzy, the real question is still out there: Who actually DID kill JonBenet Ramsey?

Some competent forensic work in Boulder years ago could have avoided all the recent media fuss and expensive airline schlepping. Karr’s DNA never matched any from the crime scene, so all his recent public mea culpas would have been ignored. Well, at least the new testing now refutes his confessions that he also killed Julius Caesar, Jimmy Hoffa, Abraham Lincoln and Cock Robin.

***********

I have a continuing love/hate relationship with the soapbox channel, C-SPAN. It has some good literary, political and historic broadcasts. But I don’t understand its free speech obsession when it features hours and hours of screaming hate-America activists, professional protestors, ethnic extremists, terrorist spokesfreaks and/or crooked politicians. But its airing last week of the self-titled 9/11 Truth Panel went way beyond the nutcase limit, even for C-SPAN.

The goofball panelists, all with questionable qualifications and mental capabilities, insisted that the evil US government actually planned and carried out the 2001 disasters of the World Trade Center and the Pentagon five years ago. Maybe it’s time for C-SPAN to ask more qualified experts to face the cameras, because John Mark Karr, Warren Steed Jeffs and Little Old Me happen to know the real truth. The attacks were carried out by really angry UFO crews from the recently-demoted planet Pluto.

***********

A week or so ago, Paris Hilton had to go to a hospital emergency room because her kinkajou bit her. Apparently, making the critter a house pet didn’t bother it, but trying to force the kinky kinka to appear in a music video with her is just too much for anyone, man or beast.

***********

Dollmaker Mattel is threatening to sue a Brazilian artist for exhibiting paintings showing Barbie as a lesbian. So what? We always knew her boydoll friend Ken was having a steamy affair with Buzz Lightyear. Or was it SpongeBob DropPants?

Ledger Lite is a weekday feature that provides "A Daily Brew of Humor in the News."

Ted Sherman is a retired corporate PR manager and executive speech writer. Today he's a humor and travel writer, and occasional contributor of jokes to a major TV comedy show. He's a graduate of the University of the Arts and the University of Penn Grad. School of Communications, and a US Navy veteran of WWII and the Korean War.