Mel Gibson Mouths Off Again

Mel Gibson is on another rant. While peddling his upcoming film about human sacrifice in ancient Mexico, he declared that American civilization is on the decline.

Mel Gibson Mouths Off Again

Gibson added that when our government is “sending guys off to war for no reason, it’s the same as the ancient practice of human sacrifice.”

Even when you’re not falling down drunk and spouting hate, it must be tough making yourself understood with a big foot planted firmly in your mouth.

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While on the subject of ancient Mexico... the oldest relic ever found in the Americas was recently discovered there by archeologists. It’s a 3,000-year-old stone slab etched with mysterious symbols. Some speculate that when experts translate the slab, it will read: go north, climb through the border fence at night, head for the nearest Wal-Mart and fill out an employment application.

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National Ledger columnist Lynda Johnson reports that Fisher-Price just introduced its high-tech Tickle Me Elmo. He looks the same as the old Elmo, but now he goes into electronic laughing jags and rolls around on the floor. Soon, in millions of American homes each evening, you’ll hear, “All right, Elmo. If you don’t stop those disrespectful antics when Katie Couric is on TV, I won’t let you watch her anymore.”

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Bill Clinton really got purple in the face as he was being interviewed on TV by reporter Chris Wallace last week. Bill hasn’t been this excited since he auditioned Miss Arkansas Trailer Park Queen contestants when he was the state governor.

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All is not beau geste for David Gest, Liza Minelli’s ex. Yesterday a New York judge dismissed Gest’s $10 million abuse suit against her. Gest had charged that her actions caused him “throbbing pain, severe headaches, vertigo, nausea, hypertension, scalp tenderness and nausea” If he thinks he had all those symptoms before, wait till he finds out that Liza has cut off his allowance.

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Palace spokesmen deny a British news report that Prince Charles requires his servants to cook him seven boiled eggs every morning for the royal breakfast. Then, as the story goes, Charles tests them all to see which one is perfectly cooked for his fussy taste. Considering who he wakes up in bed with before breakfast every morning, it seems the Prince can’t be THAT fussy.

Ledger Lite is a weekday feature that provides "A Daily Brew of Humor in the News."

Ted Sherman is a retired corporate PR manager and executive speech writer. Today he's a humor and travel writer, and occasional contributor of jokes to a major TV comedy show. He's a graduate of the University of the Arts and the University of Penn Grad. School of Communications, and a US Navy veteran of WWII and the Korean War.