Wedding Bell Blues and Changing Plans

The concept of marriage is probably more romantic than the actual thing. That seems to be the way things are supposed to happen. Two people meet in the intoxicating haze of addictive love and stumble through the first act in an unabashed blush of desire and lust. By the end of that act, a contract is written, a promise is made, and marriage happens. The tangible experience is an expensive thrill of costumes, music, food, and drink. The couple builds their foundation in the second act, and thrives on an endless supply of hope and good will for a few years until everything falls apart.

Of course, this is the blueprint of the true cynic and for all the disadvantages that involves I stand accused. The pessimist deep in my heart only disguises the fact that I wish I had taken the matrimonial plunge years ago. Is it too late for me? Recent reports about the sudden minority status of the married couple have been greeted by a low mumbling cry of concern. The American Community Survey, released this month by the US Census Bureau, has noted that in 2005 only 49.7 of us are married. That means 55.2 million of the nation’s 111.1 million households, down from more than 52 percent in 2000.
 
Already, forces from either side of the religious ideological fence have weighed in with their verdicts on what this might mean. Gay rights activists have claimed that their voices have been undercounted because many gay people remain reluctant to discuss their sexual orientation. The highest population of unmarried same sex male couples was found in San Francisco, and female couples in Northampton, Massachusetts. Anti-Gay marriage activists remain convinced that lesbians and homosexuals are ruining the institution of marriage, but the answer seems to be something people don’t want to so easily admit; marriage is just too costly and risky if it doesn’t work out.
 
The solid promise found in TV marriages of Ozzie and Harriet or Ward and June Cleaver from fifty years ago was a warm, fuzzy pill that went down easy with Dad’s nightcap. The same who still mourn the loss of that monochromatic innocence are now claiming that women in the workforce and sexual autonomy are to blame for the loss of the attraction once found in marriage. Where many once wed so that they could have children, the cost of that blessing is proving simply not worth the effort.

Let’s go back to the couple we met in our first paragraph. Their supply of endless love runs dry, and they have a final meeting in the divorce lawyer’s office. Papers are presented, and signatures drawn on the dotted line. Some tears are shed, and perhaps a smile or two surfaces when they remember better times. They both know the lack of children is a blessing. The meeting ends with a cordial acceptance of dissolution, and the couple walks away knowing that hope and a second chance is always around the corner.

Christopher J. Stephens adjunct college English instructor for Northeastern University, Wentworth Institute of Technology, Western New England College, and Corinthian Colleges, Inc.

His website is: http://www.cjstephens.biz/