News & Tech

Timothy Geithner needs to take a lesson from Justin Timberlake. No, not simply because Timberlake was recently named the most stylish man in America by GQ Magazine; although that in itself is not a bad reason. I often try to follow Justin’s lead by wearing my pimp kicks and fly duds much to the chagrin of my fourteen year old daughter, especially when I say things like "pimp kicks and fly duds."

Timothy Geithner and Justin Timberlake: Necktie Economy (Image: WENN)

Geithner needs to emulate Timberlake because the entertainer’s sense of style is the spitting image of economic prosperity. If Geithner can follow Timberlake’s stylin’ wiles, risk-taking, and trend setting, he will undoubtedly lead our country to a full economic recovery.

Geithner must pay closest attention to Timberlake’s neckwear, in particular, the skinny tie.

Timberlake must understand the importance of the skinny tie to our economy because he appears to be trying single handedly to bring the fashion statement back into vogue. To help him and our economy out, I went on eBay and purchased something like 47 vintage ties for less than fifteen dollars. The neckties were either wide enough to require dangling red flags when traveling along the highway or so thin that if I snapped a shoelace, I’d have a spare.

Since contemporary fashion has little effect on me, I found all 47 perfectly acceptable; though my wife insisted I discard the one with the coffee dribble down the center which I mistook for a swanky Mike Brady-like design.

One morning, while standing in front of the mirror working one of my new old skinny ties in a four-in-hand knot with a pair of forceps and some tweezers, my daughter reproached me with a “you’re-not-going-to-seriously-wear-that-in-public” look. Fortunately, I had fully expected such a reaction and preplanned my brilliant rebuttal: “Justin Timberlake wears skinny ties. See?” I quickly produced the cover of his latest CD that I had placed in my jewelry box for just this moment and pointed out the skinny tie he was wearing.

My daughter shifted her weight to one leg, tilted her head, and clucked her teeth, “Dad, you are no Justin Timberlake.”

While that may or may not be true, I still believe the skinny tie is just what we need because where the necktie goes, so goes the economy.

Take a look at the Great Depression era. Ties as wide as the Dust Bowl adorned men’s necks. Wartime uniformity slimmed down the serviceman’s dress uniform neckties to about three inches in the 40’s which ushered in the skinny ties of the prosperous 50’s and early 60’s.

Our economy foundered its way back into another recession in the late 60’s and early 70’s as necktie widths swelled like gasoline lines during the energy crisis.

Back in the summer of 1981, I had an appointment to have my senior high school pictures taken. The only ties I could wear were my father’s which I loathed because, to my 17 year old self, they reeked of corporate complacency and suburban surrender and were frankly way too wide. I chose the thinnest one among what seemed to be hundreds of ties dangling from three wooden hangers.

To appear far hipper than I was and not just another kid who has to wear his father’s necktie, and perhaps subconsciously jumpstart the economy, I pulled the tie very long, knotted a small, tight four-in-hand, and then tucked the wide end of the tie down the front of my pants. I remember the photographer making a comment about my thin tie, how so many others had out-of-date wide ties. Then he asked me if I knew my tie was stuck in my pants. I just smiled and pretended to be Richard Gere.

While my ruse may have given the appearance of a skinny tie, I knew it wasn’t the real thing and the recession continued another 16 months.

The mid to late 80’s found the resurgence of economic prosperity and, there it was back again, the skinny tie. While ties grew a little, they remained relatively thin, about three inches, throughout the 90’s.

Just before the onset of the recent recession, neckties had been growing wider than they’d been in over 30 years, a sure sign of bad times. And here we are.

So the next time our Treasury Secretary is standing in front of a podium, telling us about the state of our economy, take a close look at his necktie to see if we are heading down the road to ruin or, like me, blasting Justin Timberlake in the minivan much to the chagrin of my 14 year old daughter, especially when I sing along.